Back to the beginning

when u have no idea what to do..the best way is
BACK TO THE BEGINNING

Reading back all the posts....

Do you still come back here? listening to this song..
reading the line where u once said u like it --->
"We are each of us angels with only one wing. And we can only fly while embracing each other." - Lucian de Croszonza

hahaha <3

Please make it free on sun..=) the whole day..since ur not free on sat..i wished to go for ur training but it's ok...*huggiesss*

Insecure

Got my NS letter...and went to do deferral thingy..5mins kao tim d...KNS!!

I'm really lost...or insecure?..
shud just follow my heart..wait..

Salute~

STUDY!!

SCRew it Screw it SCrew it Screw it!! it comes and goes around my mind..
Justin's song XD

Persevere~

Good news --> DAP proposed to the government to abolish NS immediately..Woo woo~
*clap clap* still pending..but please..god!! make it fast before my letter comes XD it's already mid of May and my NS is on mid of June? And the fucking letter is not here yet?..i cant do my defer stuff..T-T i M so not gona stop my studies halfway mannn!!

K la..back to studies~~ *huggs*

Hand itchy go create another blog..

http://waynessm.livejournal.com --> supposed to be a 'private' blog..
BUT ARGH!! screw it~
i don feel like hiding anything back there..so..yeah~

Faster come back ya!!

'faster come back ya'..it's a sentence that i wished to tell my mom before she left..Damn..sleepy piggy..cant get up on time..so she left without even telling me =.= hMph!

muahaha..

I miss mummy..

She's now on a trip to somewhere else which i didn't even bother to ask..
bah...not going to see her for 4 days...
When i was still in bed this morning..i can still hear her voice..
But i woke up..she's gone...* gone as in she left for her trip tingy k..

Hmm..wonder how am i going to survive since mummy forgot about my weekly expenses =.=
pergi travel and have fun..fgt bout me pula.. =.=
Luckily this week no college..only one day exam..but GOD damn it..i can hardly control myself honestly...

Any good plans for saving??...Tsuzenne's RRR method would be great but leme think bout it again and again first =)

Exam~~~ no failure..i don allow me myself to get lower than 75(acc), 80+ (Macro)
Macro is wet wet water only..piece of cake work...nothing much to worry..
STUPID ACC...Ang mo english..cant even understand everything no matter how many turns i had been reading it..Bugger!

Some random post that touches my heart XD

When a GIRL is quiet ...

millions of things are running in her mind.

When a GIRL is not arguing ...
she is thinking deeply.

When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions ...
she is wondering how long you will be around.

When a GIRL answers " I'm fine " after a few seconds ...
she is not at all fine.

When a GIRL stares at you ...
she is wondering why you are lying.
When a GIRL lays on your chest ...
she is wishing for you to be hers forever.
When a GIRL wants to see you everyday...
she wants to be pampered.

When a GIRL says " I love you " ...
she means it.
When a GIRL says " I miss you " ...
no one in this world can miss you more than that.

Life only comes around once make sure u spend it with the right person ....
Find a guy ... who calls you beautiful instead of hot.
who calls you back when you hang up on him.
who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy who ... kisses your forehead.
Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.
Who holds your hand in front of his friends.
Who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.

Who turns to his friends and says, " That's her!! "

Random

What is one thing you MUST do before you go to bed at night?

Me appreciate time(greedy)..therefore, wouldnt do only one thing =) haha

* Brush my teeth =)
* miss someone deep in my heart...
* set my alarm
* Make a wish list for the next day =)
* Give a big hug to my teddy bear
* Conclude for the day

Happenings =)

+COMING UP HAPPENINGS +

Auto Fiesta 2008
Venue - Metropolitan COllege
Date - 10th May
Time - 4pm onwards

Roxy Summer Splash~
Venue - Sunway Lagoon
Date - June 7
Time - 1pm onwards

BLOGS

Haha..Reading back the blogs that I created.

www.krztal.blogspot.com
www.krzsche.blogdrive.com
http://nanaosaka.livejournal.com
www.liveinserenity.blogspot.com


ALmost each of them represents a guy that Im connected with..
haha..I wished this is the last blog that i m using..
After reading them again..I realized that..I lived a cute life..
Dun get wat cute life means? ^^
Go check it out urself la..
MUAHAHAHAHA =)

Earlier creation..

HMM...the background sound isnt that good..mum and uncle were chatting there =.=
POTONG STEAM!! Sure i can play better in real..

Hope ya like it ^^
Lyrics will be uploaded soon..
*cheers*

#chorus#

Like the wind that blows away
Like the star that shines all night~~~
* i uploaded the chorus in earlier post
if any of you interested~
go check it out yourself la =.=
muahaha

IMPORTANT NOTIFICATION!!

Just to update you guys that I actually saw Ms. Rupa during my healthy jog in the evening..enjoying sunset..blah blah blah..haha..

There'll be a consultation from her on dis coming thurs..
so..eventho it's already "holiday"..please drop by college for the new format of the exam..

Things that i m cleared are that it has changed from 5questions to 8Q!!!
Damn it..
And Budgeting is coming out..when she told me about that..i was blured...DID we Study budgeting o.O..
OMG!! PANIC!! dun even know what i've studied..I m SO not gona fail or pass my accounting..cuz i wan DISTINCTION..or HIGH DISTINCTION...If i gt it, i can gain much Much MUCH freedom..hehe =)

+ Classic +

There was once..
I heard this...

如果你们分开了。。
那么。。
以后那个人的事情就不再跟你有任何的关系了。。
他所做的一切都与你无关了。。

你真的要这样子吗？。。

It's what that hold me till now...
because I don wan it to be happened..

TRUTH PLEASE

I have tons of thoughts in my mind...

But, i just couldnt blog them out..

It's like tied with tons of burdens..

burning flame...

Supposed...I wouldnt trouble myself that much anymore

I will have Plans

I have no more worries that can bring me down..

But now, I have ONE MORE THING to solve

Is that a lesson to be taught?

IS that why u r being so harsh?

I M really fucking pissed when people told me about that..

but..on second thought...i chilled...

I did mistakes...I shouldn't said that..but i really cant control myself..

NOW..
I try to not need guys to pamper me anymore...

But..

Girls that do not need to be pampered...are those who are already spoiled
they are tough..
Drink, smoke, clubbing, cheat....
which is what i wouldnt do for sure...

contradiction...haha

so..tell the truth...

Paintball..

Yeah yeah yeah..lets blog about paintball..*but nothing much to blog about..

Finally, it's over..
Eventho the second team pulled out at the very last min..but it's ok..
I still have my buddy with me =)

SPECIAL REGARDS TO >>> Beatrice, Daryl, Chelsey, Charles, Christopher, Pregash, Andy and mY HUBBY!!! muahahah~~

*Heart u guys*

The Rose...

Some say love, it is a river
that drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor
that leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love, it is a hunger
an endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower
and you its only seed

It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of waking
that never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken.
who cannot seem to give
and the soul afraid of dyin'
that never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been too long
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong
just remember in the winter
far beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed that with the sun's love
in the spring becomes the rose....

Pain in the memories

Like the wind that blows away
Like the star that shines all night
I will pray
days and nights
for our love
so divine
to stay all life

Like the rain that falls from sky
Like the tears drops on my face
Ah~~~
my heart's bleeding
And please let me stay...by yourside

By crz to wayne =) WC

= KISS GOODBYE =

MUAHHAHA...fight fight fight..Quarrel quarrel quarrel.."basically"..those were what we always do..

but..when people fight..then only it will help to strengthen the relationship..eventho during the quarrel moment..u feel like slapping him and kick his balls..HMPH!!

and..soon..I m GONA LOSE him...

28th April 2008 - 2months d...
but feel abit empty...
Haha..

soon..he's gona kiss goodbye to Malaysia..haha
was abit exaggerated here....I definitely wish that he can do something that he likes =) which is not sitting in front of the comp/office..start work at 9 then go back at 5 or later than that..
However..i wondered..if his parents would agree..
anyway..i guess his perspective has changed..HE HIMSELF said that before..and now said different thing..but good also la..I get more freedom which is not what i need from him..haiz..Take care yourself la..
*hugss*

Ms Metro Preview

This is one of the best pics I've took for the day..I really like that "design" as if like i m goin for dinner >.< haha

well..let's get back to the top top part first..hmm...of cuz' first..i have to show you what's going on >>>





* MR & MS METRO PREVIEW 2008 *

IF you weren't there for this preview...let me tell you ONE THING!! I HAVE NEVER EVER seen this crowd in Metro Concourse before.. Wan prove??





It's me "catwalking" for the first round of elimination..LOok at the crowd behind me...STUNT!! especially u know the feeling where u wan into the crowd and being the limelight..Memalukan...Dat's why i cant stop giggling and laughing out..
Beat's line >> WHAT THE MAShmallow!!


The first round's theme - casual wear..which is what i used to wear to college...hmm...i guess my dressing abit exaggerated right? But who cares ~ it's ME!
lolz

Den..the second round's theme - creative wear...outfit that reflects ur personality..
I guess I m a Responsible + serius + creative + hot if i wannabe person..haha..so Formal wear should be able to reflect me..ZOMG~ suddenly tot of one song now..<> cause i baru read chelsey's blog haha...

OK~ so dis is it~~ taken during my interview~~




*interview session - there are 2 parts of interview.. first >> why do u dress like dis?.. " Three characteristics..FIrst..i m hot *swt...wild...AND most importantly, it looks really nice on me.. " haha...I feel so lame with my words after all...

Then, they asked me...what's the biggest regrets in your life?
My friends ask me to answer " I have no regrets in my life!! " ...But gal..i cant lie..I do have..but not much..maybe 2 of them =)...
I answered " i guess it's that i din go after my dream which is taking fashion design course and bla bla bla bla.."

Finally, done..

Now..the elimination time...Honestly, i feel so stupid standing there...everyone's eye lookin at u..If it's because for some academic award or scholarship or presentation thing..i really don mind..BUT GOSH! it's because of one stupid pageant thing...all this VANITY...which is so not like me..I cant even smile naturally..SO fake..COMPARE it yourself >>




SEE WHAT I MEAN???? haiz...

Enjoy the pics below la~~




- The guys NOminees -



- The JUdges -



- Ying Hao, me, Renna, Chelsey - hmm..tsu zenne's missing



- EMCee of the day -



- HAhA!! GOT YA!! trying out WII -



- activities of the day -

The ReBorN of Dying Pheonix

--- ~ I m reborn ~

Sounds so sarcastic...But true...I feel like The day has break.. I saw white light..* white light - hope...

First of all, Paintball had really got onto my nerves.. SERIOUS SHIT!! Since the first day I decided to organize, I have predicted obstacles..BUT..Not so much of them..till my pants drop...coming after one another..sometimes two and more at a same time..

I was helpless all the time...

Till one day I posted the "brochure" on a forum..I wished to postpone the date AGAIN!! What's wrong with me?...I FELT DAMN BLOODY GUILTY..I WAS LIKE postponing and PostPoNing AND POSTPONING AGAIN!!!...CHANGE CHANGE CHANGE...

ONE Word >>>>>> PREPARATION

not enough of time for preparation..

After talking to a "Senior"..lolz..it does help..at least not like people that asked me to CHill..no worries...people will join..* i said this without offense and without againsing anyone..I believed they are just trying to chill me down and comfort me..thanks anyway =)

Now..i took out the prizes sponsor...as to fulfil the first and second motive of mine..TRY-OUT..and a game for him..tho it's a small one..but trust me..there will be second one..=) I will not ask you to go find another girl d..Cuz i HAVE to PERSEVERE and HAVe FAITH =) in me..you..and EVERYONE..

PAINTBALL'S DYING

FRUSTRATION + WORRY + EMO + STRESS + RUSH

It's to describe my feelings now...
'None' of them know the seriousness of this..tell them about it..they will just say "don worry..people will join"..How can i not worry?..I promised Andrew for 10 teams..SO I have to get 10 teams the least..I SUPPOSED I HAD 10 teams...but now..every thing's gone.. left 4 teams behind..people that gave me hope to join pull out at the very last moment..telling me things that i tried to avoid..FGT IT~ i will never do anything for them anymore...AND..THanks BI..thanks for ur support...and seng kwee and yee hong...
They are the one that never doubt of it...And I wish they win the game la =)
And i wish the game can still be on..

*IF i have no sponsor, then i dun have to worry to cancel the game..but now..i CANT..


Anyone that i dono please join this game?
IT's called paintball BROTHER!
U HAVE TO FEEL THE PAIN!!
THat's the fucking fun of it!
MONEY?!
THERE're WAYS OF GETTING IT!
GO ROB lA!
SELL ASS!


* sori..it's abit rude to say all those things...but please und me..
I spend whole month for this..and WORRY WORRY WORRY WORRY every single fucking day..
I am human as well..showing my happy face everyday...doesnt mean i m not worried for it...AND NOW..I EXPLODE!!!

PERSEVERANCE + DIALOGUE

Perseverance..
I just need to persevere through these..

I m being not considerate in some ways..but I m SO CONSIDERATE if wana compare me to other girls..If people call it inconsiderate..i would rather call myself Brainless and Capricious..
yes..I m so sorry for doing things without thinking the consequences..But i learned now..

I went and search articles about Ways to IMpRove Relationships
I feel like i did all the points but not one of them..

Be a good listener

And show a sincere interest in what's happening in the other person's life. Remember that we have one mouth but two ears - use this as a reminder of how much talking to engage in versus how much listening.

Put yourself in the other person's shoes

As a good listener momentarily step into the other person's world (without being sucked into their negative states). Being in the other person's world requires that you listen with openness. In other words, while you are listening you do that and only that - you listen. This may take a bit of practice since most people tend to partially listen, while internally preparing or rehearsing what they are going to say next. This is in line with the very important NLP Principle of respecting others' Model of the World.

Empathy rather than sympathy

Empathy means understanding and having a feel for their difficulty without trying to get involved unless asked. Sympathy, feeling sorry for them, is disrespectful and indicates that you believe that they, on their own, do not have the resources to handle their own difficulty.

Look for the other person's good points

There will be plenty of these and you have a choice in whether you pay more attention to their good points or their imperfections. The more you discover a person's good points and focus on these the more your respect for them increases.

Keep in touch

Even if you last were together a few hours earlier, at breakfast perhaps, how about a one-minute phone call to ask how their day is going or to tell them you are thinking of them?


I WASn't aware of that point until what happen yesterday...
I tried to search for that point before this...But i couldnt
BUT nOw..I Found THose good points in him..
And i will MAKE his bad point a good one..That's what partner for..Improve us to be a better man..

And for his parents..What i can do now is..Not to do things that will cause bad impressions..Tho i had already done it..IT's FINE...Time can prove everything..I will prove them wrong =)
None of us are perfect..We have good points but we do have bad points sometimes..ANd people usually see negatives over the positives..BUT..if people cant accept the way we are..-BeTHatWaY- there are still places that can fit us..But..first thing first...I Wana PRactice Things that i learn from my practice of law of Buddhism>> Dialogue

+ Work under pressure +

=)
PISSED + GERAM + disappointed + helpless + emo + pain + suffering + stressed + .....

SEE! when things are getting good..u will fall to the deep down on another day..

JUst like what i m facing today...
LIFE! life without parents >>>

INTERESTING LIFE~

FRIEND? i was so helpless and told me fren? Screw it..

“When life sucks and hands you lemons, I say beat the crap out of it and demand some Florida oranges as well.”

+ Paintball +

"Upon thy cheek I lay this zealous kiss, as seal to the indenture of my love." - Shakespeare, from King John Act II Scene I

Finally, get the chance to watch how a painball match would be like..
21st March - TBS was having their paintball competition at TT sports and it supposed to be started at 4pm..But, it rained like cats and dogs..

Oh well, i gt to meet one of the TBS paintball club's BOD..and talked a little bit bout setting up a club for MEtro and the competition..Yada yada..
Some of the player are quite noob..(i noe i M not qualified in saying this..because i m one of them but i guess i m at least better?) But at least they tried..not like me =.= I just haven really prepare myself for it..Mayb i m old d T.T

I really gt jealous easily...why why why???...
Silly me T.T

- A silent hug means a thousands words to the unhappy heart -

Designs by Crz

+Remove the Sins, Reveal The beauty +

Inspiration is all it takes to a creation - Crztal

+ Love is in the air +

Just a little one from me - to - you...

+ Another sentimental value +

New discoveries >>

Woke up in the early morning..sensational morning breeze..
My heart was pounding so fast...especially when i was outside the house.
Wanted to sit at the staircase besides the house and cool down first..mana tau that bi so noti..laugh at me pula Y.Y people really nervous ma..
scared i m not good enough or parents don't like me..BUt bi, if they do...tel me k..at least i noe how to improve =)

Well..his mom is really scary nice... In the picture, she looks abit fierce that's why i was scared.. BUt, Reality is always different.. She's so nice and kind..polite?..yes that's the word...

I left my bag at his place and so he has to send it back to me during evening time.. Hmm..we toured walked around the "remoted" area of USj3...It was quite relaxing + cooling to me..eventhough we were just touring around..I felt the happiness in a sudden =) at least we did something healthy together..

Now..i know what's my imperfect part of being a gf..
I do not know how to comfort him in phone..
when he needs one..
I will just listen..and i can feel what he's feeling..
I was pissed as well..I wanted to help..i actually tot of asking who the hell the guy is and finish teach him a lesson =) of cuz not by me la..hmm...BUt reality memang lidat..For godness sake..I haven't really experience one in my college..Mayb i shud try out once..to really really experience that feeling..Just for you =)

"My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it is on your plate." - Thornton Wilder

Busyness

GOSH..let's conclude what i m busying with lately >>

1. STylo fashion week
2. Coming exam on next wed
3. prepare for ms.metro preview
- design and sew the own designs..
- think of what shit to wear for casual theme
4. think of how to cut cost (metroball)
5. tuition
6. paintball club
7. Religion's assignments
- survey around
- write about martin luther king and debate
- read a book and summarize ( I REALLY HAVE NO TIME FOR ALL THESE)
8. do homevisitation with my members
9. Organize a fashion show (with my designs and zenne beat renna shen....)
10. circle-k visits to orang asli village
11. revisions
12.BElly dance

PITY ME????..hmm..it's really tiring..but it actually makes my life more meaningful..but I NID BUDGET!!...money money come..haha..try to bargain with mommy first :D

MOst important..i have to apologize with my hubby..
I cant spend time with him lately... *cuddle* hehe..

STYLO + Kl fashion week + paintball

Our common topic >>> PAINTBALL
Actually he teaches me ALOT about paintball..and it actually helps me in my social relationship..In what way?..hmm...Like organizing a paintball club..and i will pull people around to join..eventho i met them for once..

I really wana try out once to see how it actually feels..SO dat i can get more excited when we talk bout it..And I wish to see him train la..but why is it on weekends T.T have to wait for my PAvillion fashion week tingy to over first..

Toking bout fashion week..M working for Stylo..this blog suppose to write down things about me and hubby stuff..but m too excited bout it..so m just gona show the pics k XD MUAXXXXX

+ Sacrification +

Hmm..Wanted to find definition of sacrification..but cant get one that suites the situation...
After all..Maintaining a relationship is real hard.. but it's challenging oso..
we have to tolerate and be patient with one another..And not to expect anything from your partner but their unconditional love.

"Love is indescribable and unconditional. I could tell you a thousand things that it is not, but not one that it is."
Duke Ellington
BI...T.T i wished dat u could just love me more than I do..
Yes..u have no qualities...but Some miracle strength has just pull me over to you..
maybe it's becuz that u sent me some horny aura of yours to me..den i got attracted haha..like some animal's behavior ...>.<

One thing that i really njoy bout our relationship is dat>> we always tok so stupid..wat my tiger and king of the jungle..and my lord and servant..haha..=.=
BI..MUUAXXXXXXXXXX

"To love someone is to see a miracle invisible to others."
Francois Mauriac

+ Imperfect +

Love is just a sudden passion..way of maintaining it is the key of a successful relationship

YEs.. starting a new relationship after 9 months of SInGle LiFe..I had been seeking for My mR.Right but mostly are my juniors..And I blif youngsters at my age...need more experience bfore getting a Long relationship. I chose this guy..<-S-> We started officially on 28FEb..

It's been 16days over..And on the 17th, we got this little UNHAPPY SITUATIOn..
I was joking saying things without much consideration..and I always used to it with my ex(s)..but i never know it would bring such a big effect to him..No wonder he got pissed off when i said "I HATe him" on that night..He got pissed off..but does he know I was so shocked and lost when he got pissed of?..I dun even noe what's happening..

He expressed himself thru msn...But he doesn't noe that it isn't a good way to do it...Ms. Malini is right..Whenever we need to talk bout a problem or have a good talk...it's better do it face-to-face. Bcuz if we use technology (Sms, email, msn...), there wil be lotsa barriers..We cant see the body language, we cant see how the people really feel..And the aura that the person sent out..

However, we can't meet all the time..That's the imperfect part of our relationship..I m still a little girl -- WIngs are not fully grown yet.

When he was "venting his grievances" at me..I was really speechless..I din noe that I was hurting him with my words..And I had tried my BEST..THE BEST I CAN to be a GOOD gf..I want him to be proud of me..But still..he "complains"... That's why i was speechless..How can i improve?..And when he said he will shut his mouth and wont talk to me about problems anymore..I stunned..If u r not gona share things with me anymore..wat is the meaning of being together...T.T ANd..it's not that not good of expressing ur feelings..but please..U know how to say it to me..and why don't u practice it as well..Use nicer way..Or do it in person...so i can hug u and shut ur lips with my mouth..

I know i m capricious...But Please deal with it sometimes...please bi..

"if u r not good in speaking..how r we gona communicate? " >> this was what he said..
YES.. i m really bad in speaking or comforting my partner when it's a bad situation...i will start to talk crap without thinking much..that's why i will keep quiet..but he wil think that i m ignoring him..o.O

*When i was shopping..i will think of you..
*When i was having fun..i will think of you..
*When i got something...i will wana share it with you..
*When i was cooking/baking..i will wana do one for you..
*When i was with other guys..i will not be interested in them...
*When i am with you..I tried things that i have never wana try with others..
*When you have problems..i will listen and digest it...
-- BUt..what is it that lack in our relationship?..why is there still complain..
I AM SO SAD...when i know that u r not happy with me...

[dun u know d more attention u giv to dat person..d more he doesnt know how to appreciate...luv = its either u luv him more or he luvs u more] --> from a fren of mine..but i blif we both love each other the same..which is so much that we couldnt even count with percentage..like what i did last time..

~ Thx for saying me a great gf..but iknow there're still things for me to learn..